NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
