They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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