We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
