I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
