there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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