The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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