..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
