Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
