fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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