I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I still have a little drunk in my system
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
