what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
