Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize