She said her name was "party"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
