those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
