Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
