the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
