brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
