sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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