He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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