cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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