So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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