i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
