One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
