tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
