he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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