We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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