what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
