I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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