Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
