Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
