I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
