so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
