Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he fucked my hip out of place.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
