I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
