Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
