Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
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If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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