I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
