Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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