does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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