Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
