'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
