Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You almost got us killed.
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