I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
