my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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