My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
