One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
