Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
