He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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