Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
