she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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