I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Actions speak louder than pants.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
