What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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