her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
