i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I AM VODKA MAN
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
