So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
