I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
