I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
