So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
