I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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