Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize