:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
