Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
