I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
