it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
